Today we learned how to have authors' circles in order to get feedback for our narrative writing pieces. I was so proud of how our students listened to each other and gave each other important feedback. At the beginning of writer's workshop, Tymeir looked at his piece and realized he needed to revise. I sat down with him and prompted him to use storytelling as a way to prepare himself to write. After telling his story a few times, Tymeir wrote a 2nd draft. Here's his first draft:
This is how the games goes. Well, someone throws the football up in the air and whoever catches the ball, they got to try to get a touchdown. And if you get tackled, you have to throw the ball up in the air. But if you make a touchdown, you're good to keep going on.
Here's his second draft:
The quarterback hikes the ball hard on my belly as I run looking at the defense. I am holding the ball tightly. I was running so fast the air was blowing hard on my face. I was gasping for air. Suddenly, I get hit hard in my legs. As... (this is as far as he got today)
You can see Tymeir explain his revisions in the video below. I love how he describes the process - breaking down the story into "little actions." Tymeir really zoomed in on a small moment and has begun to tell the story step-by-step. I love all the exact details he's included in his second draft - it's a great piece of writing. Leave Tymeir a comment by clicking on the "Comment" button below this post. I know he'd love to hear your thoughts.
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Tymeir Revises
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5 comments:
Tymeir, great work. I hope I can read the rest when you're done. - Kathleen Moore (Allison's mom)
He worked on his ending today - I am real proud of his writing. When it's completed, I'll post the rest of it. Thanks for leaving a comment!
Mr. Brown,
I am a non-traditional student at Converse College, studying elementary education. I am currently in the middle of my reading practicum, and stumbled across your blog while visiting the blog written by my cooperating teacher over in Spartanburg.
It is exciting to me to see an enthusiastic teacher actually using so many of the innovative techniques that I read about in class and in my own research. I am encouraged by the level of energy your students have toward their learning. Thank you for sharing!
Staci,
Thank you for your kind words. Please visit our blog often - we love to share our learning with others!
Tymeir,
I absolutely love your second draft. I can see the actions in my mind because you described it so well.
Love, Ms Thomas
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